Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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