Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
worst night to have a conscience
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
