She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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