I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
