are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize