Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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