did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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