My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
