This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
