my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
