I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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