I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's rum buckets o'clock
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
