I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
