I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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