seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
