i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
