Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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