Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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