Buhtt sex?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
if only i could text you this smell
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Do you have feelings for this penis?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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