Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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