In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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