i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
