ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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