you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize