Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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