she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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