In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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