so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
His hands were made for my vagina.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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