who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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