but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
