I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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