I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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