I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
