never play flip cup with pint glasses
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
