I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
