I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
