doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
