I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
