I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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