Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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