so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
