they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
