dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
