Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
