So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
