I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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