everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
