Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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