hotel room ftw
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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