I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
