How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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