just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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