dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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