why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
