dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
