just come out here and I will go home with you...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
