Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
