I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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