I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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