I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
