I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
