the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize