how hairy? two words: wookie tits
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
