I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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