Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
