I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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